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  • Writer's pictureLumi

Chaos vs. Love

I read something once that made me think. It was the ultimate question that I think we ever ask ourselves. “Is it better to withdraw stylishly from chaos, or engage with life as it is?”

Life itself is chaotic, even when we are still. But is it possible to live with this chaos and find meaning in life, or do we exit stage left with a bow?

I have been there before, ready to exit, but life has somehow always found it’s way into my heart and I have continued to battle the same demons that I battled the day before.

Some of you may have experienced the ultimate loss, a friend or family member, but for now I write to those of you that are still here. They say that there will always be a hole in your heart, but with time you will learn to walk around it instead of falling into it. I can say from experience that this is true. Given enough time and kindness, the tears don’t burn so much. You can fondly remember the love that you felt, and smile at those tearful memories.

One quote that I remind myself of in tough times is, “The sad thing is, suicide doesn’t end the pain, it just passes it on to someone else.” It’s hard to remember this when we are facing immeasurable distress, but I for one don’t want to put my loved ones through that kind of torture, and so I hold on for a little longer, a minute, an hour, a day.

If you are going through this yourself, I hope that this blog reaches you and speaks to you. If you are a loved one of someone, I hope that you understand that their love is still there for you, and although the chaos in their heart is great, it does not diminish the love they have for you. We are all trying to do our best with the tools that we have been given and the situations we find ourselves in.

Life is a play, a tragedy and comedy rolled into one. With each decision and movement we make, with each roll of the dice, we have the ability to change the course of the manuscript. But however we write our play, it’s important to hold on to the love we feel for our friends and families, for they are the ones that often keep us going.

So engage with life as it is, and smile when the sun comes out, because surely those micro-moments are worth it.


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